so, im a freshman and i am all about the sports! i wasnt looking forward to high school except for the sports. but when sports started and i made varsity field hockey, life got tuff… stress, stress, stress! i wanted to quit the thing that i loved most, the thing that was my thing since first grade, the thing that some people labled me as. then this year i played indoor field hockey for my local Y like i do every year and half way through the season i sprained my ankle and had to sit qualifiers for nationals out; that sucked… spring has come and for the first time since T-ball in like kindergarten, im not playing softball. lax is my new thing and i can claim the title of jv captain. now my grades are the only thing to worry about and honor roll is good; Bs used to be bad and now i love Bs… it’s kinda sad, but i keep up. friends are a huge part of my life and are what keep me going.
Travel:
its my favorite thing… and i dont know if i actually want to ever have a home because i love the feeling of finding a new place where i can start over and feel refreshed, but i know that when i do find my home that it will be in wyoming. stepping off the plane into wyoming was the best feeling ever. i was in complete awe and i could already feel the magic that i knew had me under a spell. and although wyoming is my complete favorite and i feel the most amazing feelings for it, part of my heart belongs somewhere else; the place where i can feel the presence of God and i can be myself, while learning and being in the chesapeake bay, my home… me and kb share so much with that place; it is our sancutary and we can worship as we want… the chesapeake bay is my home and i love it with all my heart (almost) and so haiving my own little ‘appartment’ in rock hall on the bay, is pretty awesome. then theres the whole california dream life thing. california is amazing and i love it, but its a little too city for me and theres like no space to breath… but learning to surf was truely amazing; i had a really cute instructor with a really really cute friend and i was with my big ’sister’ so that was the perfect time of my life… then seeing hollywood was cool, but hollywood is actually no glamour and is kinda really creepy. its dirty, but still cool… and i cant wait to go to london with kb after stopping in paris with kb and mme b. my dream of going to africa has been in existence since i was like 5 and now i want to see africa and australia. theres just so much out there and i want to see it all. my summer will be spent traveling and the other part working to pay off my traveling… haha, what can i say, i love to live in the moment and i plan to til i find my happyness, then i plan on just living the life.
Now Im a sophomore and wow, wow, wow! Life is going good! Easy is the way I roll these days! Varsity fh is working just fine considering Im a starter and play all game without being pulled. School is school, but the weight I carry is less than last year. I like my classes, well, if you can say that and friends are well, frustrating sometimes. This summer was in a wrap, wasted. Babysitting sullivan was not ideal and now Im not even sure if Colleen likes me anymore. But Amy came for a monthe and I got to spend a lot of time with her. I didnt go to CA this summer or Wyoming (fighting woth Colleen prevented that) but I am next summer due to the every-other summer deal me and Amy made. My parents will pay for it my senior year but i have to pay for the other times. Im not sure Im willing to sacrifice my car savings for 3 trips. so life is marching on and things work out, others dont- second marking period now and yes, life is still good. honor roll, no fh except indoor is starting now, i just got back form KNC with the middle school enviro, life is good. oh i love this style
2009- a big year
yeah, so its march. hmmm. second semester not as good as the first. actually not at all. it like sucks. its kind of a reminder me of freshman year- im falling. im falling and i cant see the bottom. but i know when i hit bottom itll be rock. then maybe my life will shatter like rock. if i shatter, who will pick me up? i dont know if anyone would but maybe id be happier broken. maybe ill find out. or not.
lax is in season and its not good. i thought i was sposed to like sports well thats changing… and then theres classes. boo. they suck. i want last semester back. like bad. it was so much more carefree. but its kinda like this quote i read; i dont know the exact words but its something like this, “just another freshmean with all the wrong ideas about high school. she thought she would be popular, happy, and loved. how wrong she was about it, especially happy.” i feel like this is so true. but hey, its going pretty quick thank god. so its march and that means april and may. i can live like 3 months. i hope. after all, its only school.
all i gotta say is graduation is tomorrow. even if im not walking, its worth so much to see all the people i actually will miss go. as much as im not sure if i wanna say it- i will miss so many… even the ones i never thought i would care about: vp, jf, ke, eh, kh… the list goes on and on, but they dont. theyre all dissapearing from me. let me hold on, please.
i lost it. the hold i had i lost it. what happened? i kind of lost track. so where am i know. im in august, almost in school, officially in the start of field hockey, but crazy thing, i dont know if ill be playing. i went to the doctor days ago, i dont know how many nor do i care, and he told me i shouldnt play. in fact, he thinks im not. but i cant. i have to. four times in my life. thats all the chances i have. and two of them are gone. one wasted and one good one. i cant afford another wasted one. i have to know theyll both be good. and so the doctor says no but only because my chance of injury is high. not that im injured now. but theres a chance. and if the chances are high, there goes senior year almost. i dont know what to do. i want to yell. i want to scream and cry and run and sprint and drive and hide and leave and, but it doesnt matter. im here broken still. and dont tell me what to do.
